hello world! it's me again! haha.. been sooo busy but theres only 2 wks left of my course! yay!!! its been fun this time unlike the last time when i was confined for 4 out of the 6wks duration of the course.. we getta row dinghy boats along rivers, mount helicopters, and use cool gadgets i thought only existed in movies.. furthermore the instructors are really very nice, they treat us so well with ' please take a seat', 'sorry for the inconvenience' and 'enjoy ya meals' every so often.. the 'service is quite gd eh i must say haha.. maybe its the change of status now la.. but anyhow will be going for hell week next week! 10 days of solid outfield! haiz.. but its been a good experience and i think its made me a stronger person mentally and physically.. i almost feel as if i can take on anything now! haha.. well almost.. cuz they say that i'l have to do my combat survival training maybe sometime during reservist ( CST is where the trainers treat ya worst than dirt and let out leashed dogs to chase ya to simulate POW treatment).. haha sure hope i don have to come again *nervous laugh* i think this course has somehow been therepeutic in a way and has nursed my bruised spirit :) im kinda a sadomasachist eh..
i feel so forgotten by the world!!! haha.. no thanks, no recognition, no praise, no encouragement.. even when i had gone out of my way to try to make people smile and be happy.. everybody jus seems to forget that i exist.. for examaple that jerk of an encik actually had the nerve to ask me why i went for the scout course instead of comin back to help him when i paid him a visit the other day, and he wants me to work harder when i get back.. wake up man! as if i didnt wanna go back!.. sheesh neways he's not the only one who's got me peeved so i shouldnt be so harsh on him.. it's as if i didnt matter any more, sometimes i so feel like giving up and don even bother.. but i wasnt built this way so i cant do it.. i keep believin in the goodness in people haiz.. am i too nice for my own good? am i being stupid?
this sucks! com'on im not usually lidat.. i like being happy remember? where's the old matthew loong? haiz.. ignore me im jus being a pain in the ass cuz this makes me feel a lil better haha.. i pray things get better.. i mean afterall, ya cant get any lower if ya in the pits haha..
ORD loh!

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