okay.. thing is.. ever since last week ive been toyin with the idea of growin a goatee.. haha i know it sounds nuts but its true.. ive been fantasizing with the thought of me having a devilishly sexy goatee ala mr.$#@%^.. before we procceed any further with our intellectual discussion, let me first define a goatee.. a goatee, pronounced as "go-tee" in the english language and a couple of others i would suppose, is a tiny piece of facial hair that grows on your chin.. origins of the name may have come from european goatherds, who thought that the beardlike hair on a goats chin ressembled those on the faces of several of their counterparts.. as i have explained, goatees obviously only apply to men, as a woman having a goatee would be ghastly to say the least..
growing a goatee sounds like a highly tempting proposition but one must be warned that it is actual an extremely dangerous undertaking.. this is due to the simple fact that goatees come in a wide variety not of choice.. there is vast diversity of goatees in the world today.. from straight to curly, long to short, sparse to thick, stubbly to shadow, with accessorising moustache or neat, grande or regular.. opps! that last one doesn't count.
my desired effect is that of the sinister looking, thin, sharp, triangular (no not facing up, facing down) goatee whereby hair only grows from the depression right beneath your lips.. if you cannot find it, use your index finger to press the bottom of your lower lip up, from the centre, and you will locate it.. most people should have no problem finding it.. those who encounter problems may be suffering from what i would classify as "thin-lips syndrome" where sadly they are not as well-endowed as the rest of us.. other unsuitable candidates for such a goatee would include individuals with "butt-chins".. of cause many women think they look terribly attractive but personally i think they look ridiculous.. an arse-looking thing on your face bah!
unfortunately, there is a high chance of an abberation occuring.. this may include the unwanted drugged-up look that will definitely increase your chances of becoming the next SANA poster boy along with cheeky, donavan and the wo3 men2 shi4 brudder gang.. or there is the possiblity of looking extremely soho gay in the likes of darren seah of fame-awards popularity, then again, if he was popular why would i need to introduce him?..
the steps to a successful goatee cultivation are as follows.. upon waking up in the mornings, shave stubble into the desired shape and always use a razor blade, not a vibrator, i mean a vibrating electric shaver.. while at work in the day, regularly touch it and stroke it, if it is long enough, use a comb.. after office hours pubbing at the local bar is the best time to pamper your goatee.. make sure you always order brandy, and when drinking, let the brandy trinkle down your chin.. you may wish to rub the spot a gently in clockwise direction to arouse the desired effect of follicles rising from beneath the skin.. a note of caution is needed though, overt carrassing of the area may cause abrasions on the chin, which will not only hurt, but will look retarded as well.
all in all, members of the sexiest goatee hall of fame include, gurmit singh, george michael and last but definitely not least mr.$#@%^ (now ya know why ms.#$&^ loves him so much, its not the liver!). hopefully in the not too distant future, i too may be the proud owner of a sexy goatee worthy of mention among the stars.

(disclaimer: any reference in this blog entry to events or people dead or alive is purely coincidental, as some names have been changed for the privacy of these indivduals)