ITS BEEN A TRYING WEEK..

managed to slither my way through for another time extention, minus allowance i suspect.

my ball game hasnt been exactly that great either, well its okay but not fantastic la. playing our first league match next wk against blacks which is basically the whole SA team. honestly im a little scared. during the last training, we had a shadow session and it wasnt so good, under pressure several passes didnt reach my man. im not only worried that my forwards arent experienced enough to protect me, im also worried that if i fuck up hisham will get killed. at flank, all i had to do was hit the opposite flyhalf as hard as i could. there're two little voices going on in my head now, ones telling me that i have the skill and agility to pull it of, edwin and brian affirmed that. then theres the other one telling me that im not a halfback. with eight fowards waiting constantly to chrome my ass, i sometimes listen to the latter but i owe it to myself to listen to the former la.

did something really very bad today too. was driving home with my folks after church on this two lane narrow road, and this motherfuckingsonofamotherfuckingcheebyebitch parks his huge suv on one of the lanes with a double yellow line at the side causing a jam on the entire road. only his car in the middle of no where. sway sway i was on the left lane so when i tried to cut out i scraped a little bit of the bumper. coming out to check the damage, in a moment of rage i kicked the suvs bumper in fucking broad daylight in front of the whole world. i got fucked big time by my folks after that. dad stayed behind to wait for the guy to come back to settle stuff. i wanted to stay but dad fucked me jialat jialat sia.. okay i know that this is shocking and stupid okay. i know alr so dont have to tell me how stupid i am. after church summore.. i feel horrible sigh. but one thing about parents is that when they fuck you and they see that ya genuinely sorry, they start to pity ya a little. maybe its all the shit in my head la, never concentate while driving plus never think before i act. sigh enough of that alr la.

oddly enough, works one area i've found a slight respite. i kinda enjoy working there, cos when im there, im like away from everything. the staffs nice too, which at last count numbered, hmm lets see.. one-two-three-and a half (cos the owners not there half the time), haha okay its a small business thats hardly crowded, but maybe thats why its quite fun. zach the retail managers a pudgy classy ah beng whos like the older brother whom i take breaks with, judy the other pudgy events managers like the older sister whos forever trying to wear my apron for me. and finally theres the owner jos, whos this 30 yr old milf driving a beemer.

i see the income disparity as a result of a meritocratic and capitalist system everyday. yuppies in their 20s coming in opening a bottle of $60 shiraz after work, while when i go for lunch at lau pa sat i see old cleaning aunties and uncles in their 50s scrimping for change to pay for their meal, which is nothing more than rice with one veg, dont even mention buying drinks for lunch. it does make one feel bad and wonder doesnt it.

i do admit im one of the blessed ones.
shifting in next week! mixed feeling i guess, excited in a way but afraid i might get lonely. its not like at home where the family and friends are. its not like hall where ya see ppl ya know ard, i mean even tho i was phantom but at least theres small talk.

christianing the place with a painting i did,


24 by 24" acrylic on canvas

cost me 50 bucks for materials and an entire evening
of course must haolian a bit la haha
doing another piece to match this one when i got the time and money

yes feeling sad again

com'on dont ya'll be jagging me yo,
we all go through tough patches, nows mine okay?
dunno where all that nigga talk came from but yeah.

nah.. its all been cool
ya guys have been great
and at least smth nice happened tonight